| Apr. 16th, 2009 @ 01:56 pm (no subject) |
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Current Mood:  bored
So.
It's a lovely thursday and I'm quite bored. Time to blow off some steam by thinking about the last few days.
Things aren't bad, not at all.
But I'm troubled. Last week we talked about how I'm doing at my internship and in general I'm doin' fine.
But you know, I'm one to focus on my flaws. Especially if I know of them but can never seem to fix them. There are 2 things that I could do better (they're not even really a problem...) They are:
1. I should take better care of cleaning up where I work. Now, I'm not that sloppy. I do take care of this. It's just that generally, I am kept quite busy and sometimes I forget to clean up at this one point. It's not a deadly chemical I leave behind, but it is sloppy and it's something I should work on. Agreed, I'll take care of it. In fact, I'm already minding it. This will not keep me from succeeding here. >=)
2. I should be more confident.
...
Shit.
I had hoped I was over that. Well, it's not really a surprise. I still do ask a lot of questions that I don't really have to ask... But this one analysis I have to do takes about one whole day. There's so little room for error, I don't want to make any! Not to mention that we use all of the sample, if I screw up there's no retries. -_-
And it's not exactly easy. That's an understatement, really. The analysis drives me crazy sometimes. Why is there so much chloride in the purified water?! There should be nothing! I just hope I'll get better at it so I can be confident about it because it's really difficult for me to be confident about something when I feel like I'm sucking badly at it.
Anyway, the real problem here is that when I had to explain it to my teacher, who visited last thursday. I was quite selfconcious about it because I've been all afraid that it isn't that hard after all and that it's just me. Yeah, that doesn't sound like I'm lacking in confidence at all, right?
I felt like a child... Don't worry, little one, you can do it! Just believe in yourself. See? You could do it after all. Urgh...
Also, this weekend I played a boardgame with Marloes and she was doing quite good and I was doing rather badly. I admit to making a few mistakes but I was also having massive bad luck whereas she was quite fortunate.
Reminds me of old days, it's why I hated playing boardgames with my brother. And he used to gloat too... That hurt my self-esteem a lot. Convinced me I was a loser actually. Being reminded of that was no fun at all. Though Marloes doesn't gloat, so I decided to ignore those memories. I'll do better next time, it's not like I lose every time I play that game with Marloes and it is rather fun.
Anyway. This week is going quite well so far, except that Marloes' replacement seems like a bit of a jerk. No wonder Marloes hates him. The first time I talked to him he suddenly changed the subject from school to Marloes, saying she was weird and a bitch and he actually said "did you know she has a boyfriend? Yeah, that's really the 8th wonder of the world to me." He doesn't know that her boyfriend broke up with her and that I'm currently holding that position. I didn't feel like pointing that out either. He'd either jam his foot firmly in his mouth (which might have been fun to watch...) or he'd make fun of me (and I obviously don't need that right now, so yeah).
Maybe I'm a bit of a coward for not saying something along the lines of "Uh, actually, Marloes and I hooked up. I don't find her nearly as annoying as you do, so do shut up." But meh, I don't mind so much that he insulted me indirectly. He's entitled to his opinions, jerk-like though they may be.
And I don't feel like defending Marloes' honor. It'd be different if she was actually there when he said it, but like this it'd only be for myself. I don't love her honor, you know. Why defend it?
Anyway, they seem to hate each other, so I'll definitely not tell her about it. I'm not about to fan those flames.
I don't like gossip of this kind though... If you got something bad to say about someone, say it kindly to their face so they can help it next time. Maybe they don't know it's weird or annoying or just funny.
Or say it to their face blunt and mean. You'll still be a jerk, but at least you're not a coward.
But yeah, it's just mean. Everyone makes mistakes or does something weird and it's terrible to fleetingly hear your name from a group of people, talking while they glance your way once in a while. It's a great way to make someone insecure and bash their self-esteem into the ground.
Yeah...
I'm rambling again. Sorry, I'll quit it. |
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